| Things I MUST do: |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|12:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | determined | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Little Secrets- Passion Pit | ] |
1.)visit Will Smith.
2.)visit my dad.
3.)spend the night at my sister's.
4.)buy new clothes for my new JOB :D
5.)get my cat, Mushuga fixed.
6.)start putting money back for a better car, or to get the one I have fixed.
7.)but some new CDs.
8.)figure out where I want my tattoo.
9.)get the friggin tattoo.
10.)live near the beach for a summer.
11.)go on one of those month long wilderness survival trips.
12.)volunteer at a soup kitchen.
13.)road trip.
14.)help rebuild New Orleans.
15.)do missionary/charity work in another country.
16.)see the states, not all of them...just the hot spots.
17.)backpack through europe.
18.)visit Australia and see the Great Barrier Reef
19.)graduate college |
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| I'm looking at you and I'm thinking |
[Apr. 26th, 2009|08:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
"DON'T be like him."
I completely see where you're coming from, but I just hope that you stay one of the nicest guys in the world.
I hung out with William yesterday and that was very fun. Colby left cause she didn't think I was gonna be there, but I was. I saw Jennifer and Bree. That was crazy.
The Taliban is taking over Pakistan. Pakistan has nuclear weapons.
The Obama administration hasn't responded.
What the fux up? |
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| party hard, rock-n-roll |
[Jan. 17th, 2009|04:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
Seriously people, don't you care about yourselves at all? I'll say it straight out. I used to be a HUGE partier... and I DEFINITELY learned my lesson. Now, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with having a nice drink every now and then. I'm always down for that, but are you EVER going to get tired of getting WASTED ALL THE TIME???
I'm seriously taking a look at some of the people I really care about and thinking "MY GOD... Is THAT what I used to ACT like? Did I LOOK like that?" You all look SICK and you sound STUPID. I HATE conversing with you because even if we're having an INTELLIGENT conversation it always SOMEHOW leads to "Where's the 'green'?" or "Who wants to get drunk?" GOD people! GET OUT OF IT ALREADY!!!!
I know that we're still young, but we are not in ANY position to be ruining our lives! What you guys are doing... you are literally KILLING yourselves. |
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| sometimes... |
[Dec. 23rd, 2008|06:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
I genuinely cannot stand my mother. I understand that she's been through a lot, and I understand that everyone has a bad day...but with my mom EVERYTHING is always a COMPLETE DISASTER.
I can't stand it.
It's EVERYDAY..no matter what kinda of mood I'm in, it gets bad as soon as she comes through the door moping about something.
Recently, she's liked to blame it on my sister...and for a while that made sense, but the thing is... she has ALWAYS been this way. She has a problem that she refuses to take care of.
Life could be so SO much worse. |
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| "you cannot control the wind, but you can adjust the sails.." |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|12:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
My brother hasn't spoken to my dad in over a year. Today, I made him come up here with me. My dad is really happy, he just has a shit way of showing it, like he does about everything.
I think that either I'm crazy... or I just really have no idea how to handle things. I know that it's gotta be hard to understand why I get so angry. I'm proud of you... I really really am, but it's so incredibly hard for me to want you to pursue something this strongly...when I know that it's probably the exact thing that I'll lose you to one day.
No 6 month anniversary.
No family Christmas.
No Valentine's Day.
and I'm pretty sure that there's a No New Year's Eve in there somewhere too.
I know that it's stupid and incredibly selfish, but dammit it's NOT FAIR!
My brother's moving to Canada in a little over a week...
I have mixed feelings. |
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| sometimes I feel like... |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|12:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
I don't want this anymore...
Christmas Wish list:
*pray for my family
*pray for Colby's family
*do some volunteer work
*mix cds with the sounds of:
*bishop allen
* Tegan and sara
*joshua radin
*ben folds
*meiko
*passenger
*ingrid michealson
*katy perry
*charlotte sometimes
*tilly and the wall
*furry boots
*fall/winter dresses
* really nice HEART FELT cards |
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| Everyone's got their something |
[Nov. 23rd, 2008|11:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
that no one else will ever fully understand. Even if you've got the same something... your perspective will always be a little different. I don't me that some people have cool hair, and some people can sing. I mean that everyone has something that they go/have gone through that makes them see things in a different light, and no matter how hard you try.. you can't ever really make someone see why it's made you the way it has. Sometimes though, it can actually explain a person.
Today was Sunday. Martha was managing.. I really do hate her. Elizabeth and I decided to go sit outside before the people came, and we talked while she smoked. For the most part, i really do like Elizabeth, but she's a little over ancy about somethings. Well, when we were talking.. somewhere in the midst of everything.. she starts telling me all this stuff. It seemed like she'd been wanting to talk about it for a while, and for the first time, I saw this brutally strong woman cry. She didn't full on wail or anything... more like her eyes watered, but when it happened... i understood her a little better.
I thought about it all day long, and I started to realize that... pretty much everybody has something that can explain them.. at least that ONE thing.
With me, it was two things... my mom and my sister leaving our family. It has affected my attitude on everyday life. Growing up, i watched my mom freak out over the smallest things... and when I got home today and walked into my room to find that the dog had completely destroyed everything.. I lost it. I cried and yelled... and pretty much made matters worse. Then it hit me... so hard I couldn't even bear it. "I am my mom." i just kind of sat there for a while and thought about it. I even took a nap... and it's still in my head. "I am my mom."
It's not that I don't love my mom. I definitely do. It's that all the things I've criticized her for and been angry with her about.. I'm starting to see in myself...and I can't stand it.
Elizabeth got me thinking about my sister....
I was driving home from Scooter's and I turned around and drove to her house. It was like 11.... so I left her a note with my number on it. I don't even know if I want her to call. |
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| It's all happening. |
[Nov. 15th, 2008|01:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
I get to start over.
I'm so happy about it.
I feel new.
I feel better, and it's happening with you.
You make me so angry :) |
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| b-b-baby, you're so pretty to me. |
[Nov. 13th, 2008|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
I can't believe it's been mearly six months.
I really don't think.. that I would change a single thing about them.
I got this book from the library's discards
Betty Betz's Party Book: The teenage guide to social success
I thought it had recipes in it, but it turns out they were just mocktail mixes.
Atleast my mother and I had a nice time making fun of it.
Gideon show in Hanceville Saturday. |
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| Is it possible... |
[Nov. 12th, 2008|04:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
for me to absolutely HATE who/what I used to be, but miss is SO much at the same time?
I love Bishop Allen (just now)
Scooter's making fun of me because I ALWAYS discover things LATE, but he discovered Old Greg and R Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"... like..yesterday... and he thinks they're both HILARIOUS.... ha.
I need me some Kylie time.
I'm going to see her this weekend.
six months on sunday :0
feels like six years. |
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| No.. it IS embarrassing. |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|02:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Oh God... I have my first one of THOSE things on monday :| Mary offered to go with me. I turned her down, but chances are I'm gonna probably change my mind and call her. GEEZ! I HATE being a girl sometimes.
Isn't it weird that both the stephanie's are like..friends with their exboyfriend's mother?
Joshua Radin is amazing.
I really badly want to see 'The Last Kiss' again... Zach Braff's remake, that is. I can't though, because we no longer have anywhere to rent movies. So, I might just go to Wal-Mart later, proably when Scooter wakes up, and dig through the five dollar bin.
I heard this song this morning and I'm already crazy about it.
It fits things well.
Joshua Radin-Sky lyrics
I woke dreaming we had broke
Dreaming you left me for someone new
And you cried, drying those brown eyes
Crying you're sorry - sorry won't do
But this is the way I need to wake
I wake to you
And you never left me
All that I dreamt had been untrue
Open my eyes
I see sky
Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know the way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine - just say you'll stay forever mine
'Til we fall asleep tonight
Last night, we had a great fight
I fell asleep in a horrible state
Then dreamt that you loved my best friend
My heart would not mend - seemed it was fate
But this is the way I need to wake
I wake to you
And you never left me
All that I dreamt had been untrue
Open my eyes
I see sky
Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know the way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine - just say you'll stay forever mine
'Til we fall asleep tonight
Sometimes I forget to love you like I should
But I'd never leave you - no, I never would
I never would
Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know the way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine - just say you'll stay forever mine
Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know the way to keep me on my toes
I, I, I will be fine - just say you'll stay forever mine
'Til we fall asleep tonight
'Til we fall asleep tonight |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|03:03 pm] |
This is the part where I shut down;
I shut you out and let you go
I can't forget, i can't get up
all I can expect, I can't expect you to put up
with nothing
if that makes any sense
I wish I could get out of this
for the sake of trying
I've always had such awful timing
when it comes to these things |
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| having a job |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|03:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
sucks, since I feel no closer to having a car.
I hate that I don't just have everything handed to me...
bleh.
(please dont make rude comments about that statement EVERYONE wishes that) |
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| Hey Monday |
[Sep. 24th, 2008|10:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
is good
They're kinda like Paramore, but then again not like Paramore at all... mainly just cus they have a hot female lead.
I've been thinking
and I think the thing that I remember most clearly about htose days is the first two weeks. I locked myself in her bedroom and watched every episode of the fourth season of Gilmore Girls and talked to Will Smith when he pretended to understand, or slept for hours, like that somehow made things a little bit better.
Sometimes I wish I could still find comfort in this situation in some small way like that, but everything's too open now. |
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| it makes me sooo mad |
[Sep. 18th, 2008|09:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crappy | ] |
that my mom is so distracted by my OLDER brother and sister these days that she really hasn't even realize how well I'm doing, and what's worse is that... she incluides ME in the category of LAZY.
All I keep hearing is "not one of them..."
and I am doing GOOD
shit. |
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| good lord |
[Sep. 6th, 2008|06:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
my stepdad's in the hospital.
I wanna go home.
scooter's parents have changed their minds about me.
I hate when they ask me about work.
I miss that show 'Atlantis High'
I haven't seen it in ages. |
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